Jokes,,,

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.

 

Why did the skeleton burp?

Because it didn't have the guts to fart.

 

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance.

Because it didn't have anybody to go with.

 

My wife told me last night that her ultimate fantasy was to have sex with a black man.

What kind of sick cow fantasizes about getting raped?

 

My wife told me she wanted me to take her somewhere nice she hadn't been before.

I said "how's about the ****ing kitchen".

 

Well done Sleepy, you killled the thread

 

I though my jokes were the best too.

 

I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a loaf of bread

The birds were all over me

 

that was in goodfellas. dont ruin goodfellas

 

You can't ruin goodfellas

 

Why should you eat ready salted crisps when you're flying?

Because they're plain.

 

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken.

 

That's ****ing awful.

 

It's alright, he's dead now.

 

That makes it better then.

 

When is a door not a door? When its an orange.

 

Roberto Mancini placed a bid on deadline day of £60m for Andy Murray. He said he was impressed how many times he managed to hit the net on Sunday.

 

I don't get it.

 

A bouncer checks the back alley of the club at closing time to find two gay guys at it,so he pulled out the nightstick he uses and chased them into the dark alley.After searching for the elusive amorous chaps to no avail,he shouted into the darkness "if I catch you two I'm going to ram this nightstick up your arses"

"we're in the bin"

 

A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" he said.

The other man replies, "No, just having a ****."