Jokes
- Thread starter Ccfc4ever
- Start date
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My sister has had a tattoo of a seashell done on the inside of her thigh.
my Brother in law thinks it is absolutely fantastic
he says when he puts his ear to it he can smell the sea
my Brother in law thinks it is absolutely fantastic
he says when he puts his ear to it he can smell the sea
Johnny was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked ,
'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, Johnny, it's called sexual intercourse.
Oh, Little Johnny said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't
called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked ,
'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, Johnny, it's called sexual intercourse.
Oh, Little Johnny said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't
called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'
Was in a graveyard the other day when i saw 6 bearers wandering around with a coffin on their shoulders.
About an hour later i saw them again walking around with the same coffin,
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot....
About an hour later i saw them again walking around with the same coffin,
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot....
I bought the wife a Memory Stick...it's great.
She hasn't forgotten my beer...dinner or sex once since the first beating.
She hasn't forgotten my beer...dinner or sex once since the first beating.
I saw this on Twitter, thought it was funny.
@JayKerai12
Anyone know anything about this helicopter landing at the stadium?? Been told by my mate working in Costco....
@SJRichards79
Helicopter has been seen landing at the Cardiff City Stadium. Parachute payments come early?
@JayKerai12
Anyone know anything about this helicopter landing at the stadium?? Been told by my mate working in Costco....
@SJRichards79
Helicopter has been seen landing at the Cardiff City Stadium. Parachute payments come early?
I've got a friend who likes naked masturbation in lifts...
You got to admit that's wrong on so many levels
You got to admit that's wrong on so many levels
Tonto and the Lone Ranger were riding across the prairie. Then Tonto got down from his horse and put his ear to the ground. He looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Buffalo come."
The Lone Ranger looked at him and said, "Wow, that's amazing! How did you figure that out?"
Tonto looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Ear sticky!"
The Lone Ranger looked at him and said, "Wow, that's amazing! How did you figure that out?"
Tonto looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Ear sticky!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell YOU, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo sh!t....... Someone stole tent."
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell YOU, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo sh!t....... Someone stole tent."
On the understanding that Patrice Muamba was technically dead on the pitch for 77 minutes, does that make Emile Heskey technically immortal?
My rock fan mate of mine tragically lost the lower part of both arms in an industrial accident.
Now he plays the air guitar with his air hands.
Now he plays the air guitar with his air hands.
Do you want to find out who is truly your real friend?
This really works !!!If you don't believe me, just try this little experiment.
Put your wife and your dog in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot,
who is really happy to see you?
This really works !!!If you don't believe me, just try this little experiment.
Put your wife and your dog in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot,
who is really happy to see you?
1.
Q. What is worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A. A woman that won't do as she is told.
2.
Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened when she brings it to you.
3.
Q. Why is a Launderette a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A. Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
4.
Q. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A. It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
5.
Q. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A. When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
6.
Q. How do you fix a woman's watch?
A. You don't. They don't need one. There's a clock on the oven.
7.
Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A. The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
8.
Q. What food have scientists discovered that diminishes a woman's sex drive.
A. Wedding Cake.
9.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. The simple answer is because they want to.
10.
Q. Will women ever be equal to men?
A. Not until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Q. What is worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A. A woman that won't do as she is told.
2.
Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened when she brings it to you.
3.
Q. Why is a Launderette a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A. Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
4.
Q. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A. It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
5.
Q. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A. When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
6.
Q. How do you fix a woman's watch?
A. You don't. They don't need one. There's a clock on the oven.
7.
Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A. The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
8.
Q. What food have scientists discovered that diminishes a woman's sex drive.
A. Wedding Cake.
9.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. The simple answer is because they want to.
10.
Q. Will women ever be equal to men?
A. Not until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
