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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by The-Don, Aug 9, 2012.

  1. Jerel Ifil

    Jerel Ifil Well-Known Member

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    Looks like Yorkshire are gonna keep doing well in the Olympics.

    Peter Sutcliffe's coming up soon at the Hammer.

    <somersault>
     
    #21
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  2. JonnyLosAngeles

    JonnyLosAngeles Well-Known Member

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    Three Irishmen walk out of a bar....
     
    #22
  3. Jerel Ifil

    Jerel Ifil Well-Known Member

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    Looks like I hurt Elmo's feelings. <laugh> :(
     
    #23
  4. 666 & Elmo

    666 & Elmo New Member

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    Just didn't find that funny in the slightest. Certainly not "hurt" in any way shape or form
     
    #24
  5. Jerel Ifil

    Jerel Ifil Well-Known Member

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    I think it's a nice little pun myself, good bit of shock value and topical with the Yorkshire at the Olympics thing.
     
    #25
  6. FORZA LEEDS

    FORZA LEEDS Well-Known Member

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    Had to go the the mortuary today to identify my wife’s body

    “Are you sure it’s her?” asked the policeman

    “Well she’s cold, she’s rigid and she’s not talking to me - it’s definitely her”
     
    #26

  7. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    Bet one of them wasn't Shako
     
    #27
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  8. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    Millwall
     
    #28
  9. FORZA LEEDS

    FORZA LEEDS Well-Known Member

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    An 8-year-old choirboy catches the priest knocking one out in the confessional booth.
    He asks, "What are you doing, Father?"
    "It's called masturbating," the priest replied, "and before you know it, you'll be doing it soon."
    "How come, Father?" asked the choirboy.
    The priest said "Because my wrist is aching."
     
    #29
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  10. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    Oi, !
     
    #30
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  11. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    You tried that, OLOF and no-one laughed the first time either.
     
    #31
  12. FORZA LEEDS

    FORZA LEEDS Well-Known Member

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    A boy comes home from school and tells his parents he's just had sex for the very first time.
    His proud dad says. "I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you'll have to wait until pay-day."
    The boy replies, "That's alright Dad. My arse is too sore to ride it at the moment anyway."
     
    #32
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  13. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    A woman had glass cnut. A womb with view.
     
    #33
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  14. lifecheshirewhite

    lifecheshirewhite Cheese

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    Shako's sister just confused him,she told him she has 4 brothers,and he can't work out why he only has 3.;)
     
    #34
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  15. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    A grandad asked his grandson what he wanted for Christmas.
    "I want a bike, an iPod, some football boots and a Nintendo Wii," he replied.
    "When I was a boy," said grandad, "all I got was an orange and an apple."
    "**** me!" said the grandson, "a mobile phone AND a computer?"
     
    #35
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  16. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    Q: Did you hear that the Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
    A: They had photos of Manchester United players on them - people got confused with which side to spit on.

    Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
    A: A dope carrier.

    Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
    A: Trustworthy.

    Q: What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
    A: A Man U fan is a real dick

    Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
    A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
     
    #36
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  17. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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    Today, I went for my regular testicle check.
    This time I saw a new Thai nurse, when she cupped my balls she said, "don't worry, an erection is quite common at this stage"

    I said " I haven't got an erection"

    She replied, " no but I have"
     
    #37
  18. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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    What’s the difference between Iron man and Iron woman ?

    Ones a superhero and the others a command
     
    #38

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