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Jokes to LIGHTEN the MOOD - As its the season of Cheer!

Discussion in 'Ipswich Town' started by johnnywarksmoustache, Dec 5, 2011.

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  1. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

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    What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
    Their balls are just for decoration.
     
    #61
    redruthyella, Dec 8, 2011
  2. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

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    The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
    "Jesus Christ!" he shouted.
    Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!"
     
    #62
    redruthyella, Dec 8, 2011
  3. canarie-chippy

    canarie-chippy Well-Known Member

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    I phoned the police the other day
    "Whats the emergency?" they asked
    "Two girls are fighting over me" i replied
    "ok" she paused "whats the problem?"
    "The fat one's winning!"
     
    #63
    canarie-chippy, Dec 8, 2011
  4. KIO

    KIO Well-Known Member

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    Try telling that to the choir boys down the local Catholic church ...... <laugh>
     
    #64
    KIO, Dec 8, 2011
  5. Kenny Foggo on the Wing!!!

    Kenny Foggo on the Wing!!! Active Member

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    Two old ladies sat on a park bench when a flasher jumps out in front of them and opens his mac. One old lady has a stroke. Unfortunately, the other couldn't reach.
     
    #65
    Kenny Foggo on the Wing!!!, Dec 8, 2011
  6. Rich44

    Rich44 Well-Known Member

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    and notice how none of them paid any tax which is what got them into that mess in the first place <laugh>
     
    #66
    Rich44, Dec 9, 2011
  7. YorkieLancsHampyLondoner

    YorkieLancsHampyLondoner Well-Known Member

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    ... or any interest for that matter...

    not REALLY how the bailout package works at all but a good story, liked the bit about the prostitute on credit.
     
    #67
    YorkieLancsHampyLondoner, Dec 11, 2011
  8. SAM THE (NORWICH) MAN

    SAM THE (NORWICH) MAN Member

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    what does a kodak camara and a condom have in common?







    they both capture the moment!
     
    #68
    SAM THE (NORWICH) MAN, Dec 11, 2011
  9. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    Come again?

    <whistle>
     
    #69
    canary-dave, Dec 11, 2011
  10. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    A sexy girl was admiring my beer belly! "Is it Tetley's or Carlsberg?" She asked sarcastically.

    I said, "There's a tap at the bottom, ****ing taste it!"
     
    #70
    canary-dave, Dec 11, 2011

  11. johnnywarksmoustache

    johnnywarksmoustache Well-Known Member

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    <laugh> That's good Dave <ok>

    Especially coming from someone that wouldn't even share the steam off their piss! Or indeed his malt! <laugh>
     
    #71
    johnnywarksmoustache, Dec 11, 2011
  12. ncgandy

    ncgandy Well-Known Member

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    A lesbian visits her gynaecologist.

    The gynaecologist says : "Madam, that is the cleanest vagina I've ever seen"

    The lesbian replies: "Thank you, I have a woman in twice a week"
     
    #72
    ncgandy, Dec 11, 2011
  13. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst
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    Did you hear about the gynaecologist who painted his hallway through his letterbox?
     
    #73
    Resurgam, Dec 11, 2011
  14. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

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    A woman went to her gynaecologist for the usual inspection.
    "I'm sorry" he said, "you've got a problem with your avaries."
    "Don't you mean ovaries?" she replies.
    "No" he answers, "I can see you've had a cockatoo in here".
     
    #74
    redruthyella, Dec 12, 2011
  15. Walsh.i.am

    Walsh.i.am Well-Known Member
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    What do scousers put in their stockings over Christmas? Their heads.
     
    #75
    Walsh.i.am, Dec 12, 2011
  16. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst
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    I've just bid for some Wrigleys and Orbit from a seller from Yorkshire

    ebay Gum
     
    #76
    Resurgam, Dec 12, 2011
  17. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    In Yorkshire they inject liquid ecstacy into their mouth!

    E by gum!!
     
    #77
    canary-dave, Dec 12, 2011
  18. Walsh.i.am

    Walsh.i.am Well-Known Member
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    Orphanages and biscuit tins are very similar. No-one picks the ginger ones first!

    Kid I knew in school had an extra finger on each hand. He was digitally enhanced.

    Just bought FIFA 12 and I already noticed a glitch, when you play away at Wigan Athletic they have a full stadium.

    I regret marrying a Himalayan cattle herder. All she ever does is complain about how homesick she is. "Yak, yak, yak."

    Man Utd report that Darren Fletcher is to take an extended break from football. He's being loaned out to Ipswich. <ok>
     
    #78
    Walsh.i.am, Dec 15, 2011
  19. WEIGHTY CRIMSON PLUM

    WEIGHTY CRIMSON PLUM Well-Known Member

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    I hear that cromercanarys wife has got everything a man wants......................................................................


    ..............................................................Big muscles, hairy chest and a beard.
     
    #79
    WEIGHTY CRIMSON PLUM, Dec 15, 2011
  20. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

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    The little Polar Bear went up to his Dad and said "Dad, what am I?"
    "You're a Polar Bear" replied his Dad.
    The little Polar Bear went up to his Mum and said "Mum, what am I?"
    "You're a Polar Bear" replied his Mum.
    The little Polar Bear went up to his Grandad and said "Grandad, what am I?"
    "You're a Polar Bear" replied his Grandad. "Why do you ask?"
    "Cos I'm ****in freezing!" was his reply
     
    #80
    redruthyella, Dec 15, 2011
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