**** jokes thread
- Thread starter PINKIE
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Guy wants to change to a girl so he heads over to Sweden and gets the operation done . When (she )finally recovered and flew home (her ) best buddy met (her ) at the airport (her ) friend said ' Hey , your hot " They both laughed . Then ( her ) friend asked (her) what the hardest part of the procedure was " Was it when they gave you tits " ... No not at all (she ) said , that was probably the easiest part ". then ( her ) friend asked ' Was it when they took your dick and balls off and replaced it with a puss " . Well that was very difficult ( she ) said , very bad indeed , but it wasn't the hardest thing . Finally (her ) friend asked " Well what was the hardest part then ....(she ) answered ' It was when they drilled a hole in my head and took half my brains out "
My girlfriends sister knocked my out yesterday.
What sort of sick bitch puts chloroform on her dirty knickers.
What sort of sick bitch puts chloroform on her dirty knickers.
My blind mate learnt brail and he said Rooch this books **** can't make head nor tail of it I said your reading the cheese grater.
On a similar note .
Someone bought Stevie Wonder a cheese grater for Christmas .
He said it was the most violent book he had ever read ...
The cashier says two ounces of cheese, quarter pound of bacon, small bottle of milk you are single aren't you sir, the bloke says yes can you tell that buy the small amounts I buy she says no you are an ugly ****.
I sent my dsylexic mate a **** joke and ended with a bdum tish.
He came round and and punched me for calling him a dumb ****.
He came round and and punched me for calling him a dumb ****.
When I lived in Harrow I had an Indian family move in next door. I kept chickens in my garden and one day a few of them got over the fence and laid some eggs. I went down to the garden and looked over the fence and there was Mr Patel picking up the eggs and putting them in a basket with a smile on his face.
I said "Hey Patel, those are my eggs". he said "oh no, no, no they are in my garden". I said "but they came from my chickens". This went on for about 5 minutes so I made the suggestion we settled it the old British way. Patel, being eager to adopt the ways of the enlightened said "that's a great idea". I told him to come around and i'll explain how it works, well in a jiffy there was Patel with the basket of eggs.
What we will do is stand with our legs apart and take turns of kicking each other in the bollocks, the one that stays down longest loses the eggs. Patel nodded in agreement and being the gentleman he was offered me to go first. I took a twenty-five foot run up and made contact with his gonads square on with a horrible crunching sound. Patel dropped to the floor like a sack of **** screaming and rolling around on the floor in abject horror.
Tweet-five minutes later he groggily got to his feet wiped the tears from his eyes and went "bugger me Mr Ginge you pack one hell of a kick. I thanked him he remarked "OK, my turn legs open". I said I'm bored you can keep the eggs...
I said "Hey Patel, those are my eggs". he said "oh no, no, no they are in my garden". I said "but they came from my chickens". This went on for about 5 minutes so I made the suggestion we settled it the old British way. Patel, being eager to adopt the ways of the enlightened said "that's a great idea". I told him to come around and i'll explain how it works, well in a jiffy there was Patel with the basket of eggs.
What we will do is stand with our legs apart and take turns of kicking each other in the bollocks, the one that stays down longest loses the eggs. Patel nodded in agreement and being the gentleman he was offered me to go first. I took a twenty-five foot run up and made contact with his gonads square on with a horrible crunching sound. Patel dropped to the floor like a sack of **** screaming and rolling around on the floor in abject horror.
Tweet-five minutes later he groggily got to his feet wiped the tears from his eyes and went "bugger me Mr Ginge you pack one hell of a kick. I thanked him he remarked "OK, my turn legs open". I said I'm bored you can keep the eggs...
Five nut jobs are out on a community work project. The smallest guy is digging a large hole working like a demon, the other four are standing absolutely still around the hole arms by their side.
The works supervisor goes up to each of these in turn and says "what the fcuk do you think you are doing?" Each one says "I'm a light"
"Right you four useless cnuts, fcuk off back to the dormitory"
As soon as they leave the little guy jumps out the hole, throws down the shovel and folds his arms indignantly.
" What the fcuk is the matter with you now?"
"How the fcuk am I supposed to work without lights, you twat?"
The works supervisor goes up to each of these in turn and says "what the fcuk do you think you are doing?" Each one says "I'm a light"
"Right you four useless cnuts, fcuk off back to the dormitory"
As soon as they leave the little guy jumps out the hole, throws down the shovel and folds his arms indignantly.
" What the fcuk is the matter with you now?"
"How the fcuk am I supposed to work without lights, you twat?"