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Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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The funeral for the man who got hit by a tennis ball was held today.
His wife said it was a lovely service.......
His wife said it was a lovely service.......
The man who invented the windchill factor has passed away.
He was 98, but he felt like 85........
He was 98, but he felt like 85........
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live.
Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time."
She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..."
At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"..
Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time."
She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..."
At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"..
I've been diagnosed with Budgie Flu.
But the doctor says it's tweetable......
But the doctor says it's tweetable......
My mate is so safety conscious, he switches stuff off at the wall.
It’s a good habit to have.
But not when you work on the Intensive Care Ward.
It’s a good habit to have.
But not when you work on the Intensive Care Ward.
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Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been pretty concerned. Thank you for that.
He's taken going to jail pretty hard. He's refusing all food, he's swearing and screaming, and is highly unpleasant with anyone who comes near him.
He's graffitied the walls and is refusing to wear clothes.
As a family, we're pretty united in our decision never to play Monopoly with him ever again
He's taken going to jail pretty hard. He's refusing all food, he's swearing and screaming, and is highly unpleasant with anyone who comes near him.
He's graffitied the walls and is refusing to wear clothes.
As a family, we're pretty united in our decision never to play Monopoly with him ever again
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