Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
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"Mate, it's front wheel drive. Get that fat woman back there to sit in the front to weigh it down for better traction."
"Hey, that's my wife you're talking about, watch it."
"Okay, stay here stuck then."
"Ethel, climb in the front."
"Hey, that's my wife you're talking about, watch it."
"Okay, stay here stuck then."
"Ethel, climb in the front."
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Went to meet my best friends new baby today!
He asked "Do you want to wind him?"
Well I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead leg!
He asked "Do you want to wind him?"
Well I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead leg!
Two Irishmen looking for a job, went up to a big house, but didn't get selected.
Shaun says to Patrick, "That was your fault we never got that job".
Patrick replied, "Well, I didn't know what she meant when she said show me your testimonials"......
Shaun says to Patrick, "That was your fault we never got that job".
Patrick replied, "Well, I didn't know what she meant when she said show me your testimonials"......
A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment block. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be yer ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming....it was me."
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be yer ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming....it was me."
I’m off to Suffolk for a serious operation. The surgeon is going to swap my right hip for my left.
The only hospital qualified to carry out this procedure is 'Ipswich'.
The only hospital qualified to carry out this procedure is 'Ipswich'.
Hoping my mate’s girlfriend gets back from the Ukraine before 25th December .
No one wants a chick in Kiev for Christmas....
No one wants a chick in Kiev for Christmas....
I went to Currys.
They didn't sell curry
I went to Selfridges.
They didn't sell fridges
And believe me, Virgin Megastore was a huge disappointment!!
They didn't sell curry
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I went to Selfridges.
They didn't sell fridges
You must log in or register to see images
And believe me, Virgin Megastore was a huge disappointment!!