Off Topic Jokes thread

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Mark Knopfler comes home carrying a large picture frame and a bag of chips. His missus says " What've you been up to?"

He replied.."I was at the Auction House and got a rare French Impressionist painting and I got you something from the chippy on the way home"

"How much have spent this time?" "Bugger all" says Mark......."I got the Monet for nothing and the chips for free"