Off Topic Jokes thread
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I was convinced my colleagues at Specsavers were price-fixing to gain more sales than me.
Turned out to be an Optical Collusion.
Turned out to be an Optical Collusion.
My dad retired from work after 50 years with a big grocery store.
As was the custom there, after a short presentation, the staff sprinkled gravy powder all over him.
Dad said that a great honour had been Bisto’ed on him!
As was the custom there, after a short presentation, the staff sprinkled gravy powder all over him.
Dad said that a great honour had been Bisto’ed on him!
When you pop into Aldi for a loaf of bread and milk..........
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We were so poor- sometimes we only had bits of old rope to eat.
I would often skip lunch....
I would often skip lunch....
I have a disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
The doctor said it's terminal......
The doctor said it's terminal......
A guy went out golfing and took a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he dropped to the ground.
When he finally got himself to the doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided splint, and taped it all together; a pretty impressive piece of work.
The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before."
He tore off his pants and said, "Honey, well look at this, still in its original crate!
When he finally got himself to the doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided splint, and taped it all together; a pretty impressive piece of work.
The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before."
He tore off his pants and said, "Honey, well look at this, still in its original crate!
Spotted in East London this morning having his breakfast
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Keir Starmer calls this Vandalism. We call it a work of art. How does it look to you?
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