With Valentines Day approaching…
Roses are red
Chocolates are brown
You’re getting neither
So calm the F@ck down
Roses are red
Chocolates are brown
You’re getting neither
So calm the F@ck down
Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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I have been out all day Metal Detecting i found a Land Rover buried in a field...
It was a nice Discovery.
It was a nice Discovery.
Ryan Giggs running past Wayne Rooney's girlfriend in the 80's
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Yesterday, a 45-year-old man was going to bed heard thieves in his garage.
He called the police. Unfortunately, the officer on the phone told him they don't have any police officers free at the moment.
The guy hung up and then called again in a moment and tells the officer:
- it’s about these thieves in my garage.
Don't bother coming anymore Ive shot them.
After literally 2 minutes, 4 police cars, Armed response, counter terrorists, ambulances,..... Thieves were obviously caught.
Police officers had a chat with the gentleman
Officer says - “ You said you shot them! “
Gentlemen - “ And you said you don't have a free police car “ ..
He called the police. Unfortunately, the officer on the phone told him they don't have any police officers free at the moment.
The guy hung up and then called again in a moment and tells the officer:
- it’s about these thieves in my garage.
Don't bother coming anymore Ive shot them.
After literally 2 minutes, 4 police cars, Armed response, counter terrorists, ambulances,..... Thieves were obviously caught.
Police officers had a chat with the gentleman
Officer says - “ You said you shot them! “
Gentlemen - “ And you said you don't have a free police car “ ..
I used to work with a guy called Ewan Huzami.
Nice man, but always getting into fights for some reason.....
Nice man, but always getting into fights for some reason.....
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The gardener couldn’t stop swearing.
He had irritable trowel syndrome.....
He had irritable trowel syndrome.....
Beware of online Valentines Day scams!
My husband ordered jewellery but they sent fishing gear.
My husband ordered jewellery but they sent fishing gear.
If you’re over 50 you’re basically rich!
Silver in your hair.
Gold in your teeth.
Crystals in your kidneys and an abundance of natural gas.
Silver in your hair.
Gold in your teeth.
Crystals in your kidneys and an abundance of natural gas.