Off Topic Jokes thread

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When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
 
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I went to the pub today and asked for a glass of orange squash.
The barman and the lads started laughing, called me a wimp and took the piss.
I said, " You'd drink squash too if you had what i have"...
The barman looked concerned, "Oh sorry mate, I didn't realise something was wrong. What have u got?"
"50 pence" I replied."
 
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