BREAKING!
A man has collapsed on the London Eye.
Paramedics are waiting for him to come round!
A man has collapsed on the London Eye.
Paramedics are waiting for him to come round!
Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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So after arguing for an hour with a man who said I was in his seat, he finally said..
“OK, YOU fly the plane”.
.
“OK, YOU fly the plane”.
.
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Two old ladies were standing outside their nursing home having a cigarette. When it started to rain one of the ladies went into her bag and brought out a pair of scissors and a condom. She then snipped off the end of the condom with the scissors and slipped it over the cigarette to keep it dry. The other lady thought this was a marvellous idea. So much so, the next day she headed down to the local chemists and asked at the counter for a packet of Durex. The chemist said, “Certainly, madam. What size do you require? Small, medium or large??” .... The lady thought for a second and replied, “Big enough to fit a camel.”
Isn't it weird that in England our flag offends so many Liverpool fans, yet our benefits don't...
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Barnsley couple say they may have to leave UK after repeatedly being mistaken for the Beckhams.
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New chat up line for 2024….
Come back to mine and I’ll put the heating on.
Come back to mine and I’ll put the heating on.
I staggered into A&E with two black eyes, cuts all over the top of my head and a golf club wrapped around my neck.
The concerned doctor asked "What on earth happened to you".
I explained I took the wife for her first golf lesson. She drove off from the first tee and she sliced the ball, high, wide and handsome over to the left into a cow field.
I said lets get the ball back and start again.
We got to the field and I wandered in one direction and the wife the other, looking for the ball, then I spotted the ball stuck up a cow's arse.
I crept up to the cow and gently lifted it's tail, l turned and pointed to the ball, and all I did, doctor, was shout to the wife "Hey, love this looks like yours".
The concerned doctor asked "What on earth happened to you".
I explained I took the wife for her first golf lesson. She drove off from the first tee and she sliced the ball, high, wide and handsome over to the left into a cow field.
I said lets get the ball back and start again.
We got to the field and I wandered in one direction and the wife the other, looking for the ball, then I spotted the ball stuck up a cow's arse.
I crept up to the cow and gently lifted it's tail, l turned and pointed to the ball, and all I did, doctor, was shout to the wife "Hey, love this looks like yours".
Look at this 'Old Master'......
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