Off Topic Jokes thread

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I backed 10 horses yesterday, but they all performed badly.

Wild Boar fell
My Time ran out
Naughty Kid's Ears got boxed in
Holy Y-Fronts unseated the jockey
Disorderly Queue wouldn't line up
Penelope Pitstop was trapped on the rail
Tricky Theatregoer refused to leave the stalls
Just Breadcrumbs was unplaiced
Careless Driver was disqualified
Baggy Sock was pulled up

Should have bet on Dusty Carpet it's never been beaten............
 
I ordered some cauliflower soup for home delivery, they took it round the houses and eventually delivered it 3 hours later.
Worse still, after eating it I was dry heaving for ages and my breath smelt foul.
I had to complain, but my only option was to fill in an online form. It asked me to state what I had ordered, and the reason for my complaint, but insisted I use no more than seven words.

So I put, "Soup of cauli, bad logistics, retching, halitosis".