Off Topic Jokes thread

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I got chatting to a nice looking woman in our local pub, and to cut a long story short we decided to go back to her place, so there I was (giving her the good news) I said " Stop, stop, wait a minute, pardon me for asking but when was the last time you had sex?"

She thought for a moment and said 1958, WOW I said "that was a long time ago" she looked at her watch and said "No, it's only 21.30 now"
 
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I met a girl at the pub one night when I was much younger and I said to her "I'm gonna make love to you in my lounge, bedroom, kitchen, and the hallway."

She said, "It's nice to pull a bloke with your kind of stamina!"

She was gutted when I took her back to my caravan!
 
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A woman walking through a field sees Paddy and Mick working...
Paddy is digging holes and as fast as he is digging them, Mick is filling them in.
After 9 holes she says to Paddy 'why are you digging holes and then Mick is filling them in?'
Paddy replies 'Well there's usually 3 of us but the lad who plants the trees is off sick today!'.
 
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