Spent an hour at the wife’s grave this morning.
Bless her, she thinks I’m digging a pond.....
Bless her, she thinks I’m digging a pond.....
Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
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Apparently Katie Price is writing a new book about all the men she's slept with, it's called the The Telephone Book.
Thomas Cook's newly-painted plane spells out a rude word when the doors are opened...
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A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I done on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?"
"No", she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I done on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?"
"No", she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"
Devastated
A very sad day today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
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A very sad day today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
I've just burnt my Hawaiian Pizza.
I should have put it on Aloha temperature!!
I should have put it on Aloha temperature!!
- I opened my front door this morning to find a large black coffin.
- I gave him a pack of Lockets and told him to fcuk off.
- The Yorkshire Ripper dies and goes to heaven.
- When he arrives, God opens the door and hits him 13 times with a hammer, and kicks him right in the bollocks.
- The Ripper bent over in a lot of pain and said, "Why did you do that?"
- God replied, "When you where on Earth, you killed 13 women. That was a blow for each of your victims."
- The Ripper says, "Yes, I understand that, but why kick me in the bollocks?" and God said,
- "For blaming Me!!!"
- A girl visits her doctor and tells him she has terrible discharge.
- "Ok, take your knickers off and lets check it out" he says.
- She drops her knickers and he has a feel around.
- He says "how does that feel?"
- She says "Bloody wonderful but the discharge is from my ear".