Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
-
Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
-
There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 6 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.
Following Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 6 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golf's left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 6 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be six minutes late.
You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.
Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my Mrs. If she is sleeping On her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?''
George replies, ''Then I am 6 minutes late
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.
Following Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 6 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golf's left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 6 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be six minutes late.
You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.
Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my Mrs. If she is sleeping On her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?''
George replies, ''Then I am 6 minutes late
Just saw a chap in Homebase shouting abuse at cans of adhesive.
Must be awful to be glue tin intolerant
Must be awful to be glue tin intolerant
Hope what happened with Serena Williams doesn't affect her mattress contract too.
It would be the second time this week she'd have lost her tempur.
It would be the second time this week she'd have lost her tempur.
I brought a satnav today with Bono's voice on it, it was rubbish!
The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
- The Williams Sisters have yet again reached the final of Wimbledon.
- Given that the weather forecast for the final on Saturday is to be torrential rain, so as not to disappoint the viewers and provide programme continuity, the BBC will be showing the film Gorillas in the mist during any rain delays.
- I see that the Catholic Church has now revised the "Seven Deadly Sins" to include "Hoarding Great Wealth".
- Lucky for them they haven"t included Hypocrisy.
- A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital, just before his operation.
- A nurse stopped him and asked,"What"s the matter?"
- He said,"I heard the nurse say, "It"s a very simple operation, don"t worry, I"m sure it will be all right."
- "She was just trying to comfort you, what"s so frightening about that?"
- "She was talking to the doctor!"
- My girlfriend told me that she wanted me to pound her pussy, really, really hard.
- I obliged, gladly.
- Then she f*cking moaned and cried when Fluffy died.