Off Topic Jokes thread

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Be Proud to be British. We know where every untaxed car is located among the millions of UK car owners but we haven't a clue where the millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.

Why doesn't Theresa May put the DVLA in charge of immigration!
 
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  • Two male firefighters are having sex in a smoke filled room.
  • Their chief bursts in through the door and says, "holy f*ck, what are you two guys up to?"
  • One of the firefighters looks up and says, "John"s suffering from smoke inhalation, sir!"
  • The chief says, "well, why aren"t you administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?"
  • "I did sir," replies the firefighter. "How the f*ck do you think this got started?"
 
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CLAIM,CLAIM, CLAIM.......

Were you abused by a celebrity in the 70's or 80's?

Did Jim fix it for you?

Were you one of Rolf's two little boys?

Did you get serviced in Kevin Webster's garage?

Did you play in It's A Knockout?

Remember, where there's a stain there's a claim.

Simply text MYARSEISSTILLSORE to Max Clifford 07530069982 to start your
fraudulent claim.


Put some Glitter back in your life!
 
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My son is three years old and yesterday I took him shopping. When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket.

Now, I didn't buy it and he certainly didn't buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping centre and let him loose in the jewellers.
 
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