- So, I was working in a library and this bloke comes up to me and says,
- "Do you have a bookmark?"
- I said, "Yes, we have hundreds...but my name"s Dave"
Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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- A policeman stopped me the other day and said,
- "I"d like you to blow into this bag sir."
- I said "What for officer?"
- He said "My chips are too hot."
Poor families burying relatives in their back garden because they cannot afford a funeral, MP claims.
That's what I told the jury ten years ago after my wife committed suicide by stabbing herself in the back seven times.
That's what I told the jury ten years ago after my wife committed suicide by stabbing herself in the back seven times.
You won't be hearing from me for a while.
The police are investigating me for stealing swimming pool inflatables... I gotta lilo
The police are investigating me for stealing swimming pool inflatables... I gotta lilo
- Fred West is at the pearly gates.
- St Peter addresses him "Sorry mate I think there"s been a bit of a mix up, you should be at the other end if you get what I mean, have a seat while I sort things out.
- While you waiting would you like a drink?"
- Fred West goes "You know, I could murder some Tennants...."
- A man says to his wife, "you should tell me when you orgasm."
- The wife replies, "but I don"t like to disturb you when you"re at work."
- My wife's sister knocked me out yesterday.
- I was so f*cking angry!!
- What sort of sick bitch puts chloroform on her dirty knickers!!!!
- My Wife apparently.