Off Topic Jokes thread

  • Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
  • Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!
A chicken farmer went to a local bar...sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

"What a coincidence" the farmer says "This is a special day for me I am celebrating"

"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" says the woman.

"What a coincidence!" says the farmer? As they clinked glasses the man asked "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!"

"What a coincidence "says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs "

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I used a different cock," he replied.

The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence!!!"
 
  • Like
Reactions: antipodean exile
A hooker brings a client to her condo on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. The client asks her if she gives good hand jobs.
“You see this condo? I bought it by giving good hand jobs.”
Her client tells her to give him a hand job. Afterwards, he is impressed and asks her if she gives good blow jobs.
“Look out the window. See that red Ferrari on the street? I bought it by giving good blow jobs.”
Her client asks her to give him a blow job. Afterwards, he is really impressed and asks her if she is good in bed.
“Look out the window. See that big yacht out there on Lake Michigan? I could own that if only I had a vagina.”
 
  • Like
Reactions: antipodean exile
  • Jesus walks into desert and up to St Peter.
  • He says, "it"s no good Pete, Been everywhere and all I could scrounge was a few loaves and half dozen fishes."
  • Peter tells Jesus, "it"s no problem Guv"nor, look around."
  • Jesus looks round and sees 5,000 people all eating cod in breadcrumbs.
  • "See, it"s all taken care of," Peter says.
  • Jesus shouts, "but how? When I left here we had nothing to eat."
  • Peter points, "all taken care of. Judas came into a bit of money"
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wooperts_duck
  • A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
  • He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
  • His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
  • The man says. "I"m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, "Guess who?"
  • "But why?" asks the man.
  • "I"m a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wooperts_duck
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back