I only popped to Sainsbury's !
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Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
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It's been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this:-
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 The nanny of the neighbours complained about the snow woman's
voluptuous chest.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two
snowmen instead.
8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose,
as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a
headscarf.
8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what's going on.
8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed
because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter
: "Certainly, if it's up your a***"
8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up. I am asked if I know the
difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am
called a sexist.
8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am being handcuffed
and taken to the police station in a marked van.
9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble
during difficult weather.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.
9:29 A little-known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot.
Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the world in which we live today!
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 The nanny of the neighbours complained about the snow woman's
voluptuous chest.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two
snowmen instead.
8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose,
as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a
headscarf.
8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what's going on.
8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed
because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter
: "Certainly, if it's up your a***"
8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up. I am asked if I know the
difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am
called a sexist.
8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am being handcuffed
and taken to the police station in a marked van.
9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble
during difficult weather.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.
9:29 A little-known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot.
Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the world in which we live today!
- Fred and Mavis are enjoying a nice afternoon in the cinema.
- After 20 or so minutes Mavis leans over to her husband and whispers "Fred, the man next to me is having a ****"
- "Just ignore him" Fred replies, engrossed in the film.
- "I can"t" she replies, "he"s using my hand..."
- My wife was telling her friend that obesity is in her genes.
- I was compelled to point out that wasn"t true as she looks like a fat twat in a skirt as well.
- For Sale- One glove.
- Genuine reason for sale: caught shoplifting in Saudi Arabia
Meanwhile in Dublin........
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- I"ve just got back from holiday.
- The hotel we stopped at was absolutely fantastic.
- The towels were so soft and fluffy, I could hardly close my suitcase.