Off Topic Jokes thread
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YIKES !!!! This picture is sponsored
by United Dairies..............
FOUND IT !!
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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
Mars - future home to human colonies.
Venus - 860 degrees F and rains sulfuric acid.
Sounds about right.....
Mars - future home to human colonies.
Venus - 860 degrees F and rains sulfuric acid.
Sounds about right.....
Horse is in the pub having a few when spots a donkey in the corner so he nips over to have a natter, donkey asks "what did you do for a living" horse says" I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter", Donkey says "I worked with the kids on Blackpool beach", then he asks "did you win anything" horse says "yeah on the flat I won the Oaks, St. Leger and the Derby and over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup”, they arrange to meet at the donkey's house a week later.
Donkey thinks, I need to impress this guy he's done everything, so he buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace. The horse arrives and says "Lovely place you have here, and who's that in the picture on the wall", donkey replies "Thats me when I played for Juventus”.
Donkey thinks, I need to impress this guy he's done everything, so he buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace. The horse arrives and says "Lovely place you have here, and who's that in the picture on the wall", donkey replies "Thats me when I played for Juventus”.
My wife once asked me how I could sleep knowing I was killing myself by smoking.
"It"s easy," I said,
"I know I"m killing you through passive smoking."
"It"s easy," I said,
"I know I"m killing you through passive smoking."
I see the government has announced they"re gonna put warnings on ciggies and alcohol in picture form...
The ***s are gonna have pictures of cancerous lungs, and the beer"s gonna have pictures of fat birds.
The ***s are gonna have pictures of cancerous lungs, and the beer"s gonna have pictures of fat birds.
I got caught speeding yesterday.
The policeman asked me to step out of the car and walk in a straight line.
Half way down he stopped me and said, "I"m sorry sir, but you"ll have to come back to the station with me as you"re staggering."
I replied, "Oohh, you little tiger, you"re not so bad looking yourself."
The policeman asked me to step out of the car and walk in a straight line.
Half way down he stopped me and said, "I"m sorry sir, but you"ll have to come back to the station with me as you"re staggering."
I replied, "Oohh, you little tiger, you"re not so bad looking yourself."
I"ve been told that one good thing about having premature ejaculation is that you can save heaps of cash.
My friend Mike is a sufferer but I can attest, he"s definitely paid off three mortgages in the last 15 years, all with money he says he"s saved from what he would have spent on porn if he was normal.
He reckons he bought the video for Debbie"s Dirty Desires back in 1992 and still hasn"t made it past the age certificate warning.
My friend Mike is a sufferer but I can attest, he"s definitely paid off three mortgages in the last 15 years, all with money he says he"s saved from what he would have spent on porn if he was normal.
He reckons he bought the video for Debbie"s Dirty Desires back in 1992 and still hasn"t made it past the age certificate warning.