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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19661
    antipodean exile, Jul 20, 2021
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19662
    antipodean exile, Jul 20, 2021
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19663
    antipodean exile, Jul 20, 2021
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
    I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
    He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
    An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
    The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
    This continued off and on for several weeks.
    Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'...!
    The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar ...
    'HE LIVES IN A HOME, WITH MY NON-STOP CHATTING AND NAGGING WIFE, HE'S TRYING TO CATCH UP ON HIS SLEEP .. CAN I COME WITH HIM TOMORROW ....???'
     
    #19664
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2021
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #19665
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2021
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #19666
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2021
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #19667
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2021
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I just saw a bloke running down the road with a cape on...
    I shouted: "Are you a Superhero...?"
    He said: "No, I haven't paid for my haircut...!!!"
     
    #19668
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2021
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19669
    antipodean exile, Jul 21, 2021
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19670
    antipodean exile, Jul 21, 2021
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19671
    antipodean exile, Jul 21, 2021
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19672
    antipodean exile, Jul 21, 2021
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19673
    antipodean exile, Jul 21, 2021
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19674
    antipodean exile, Jul 21, 2021
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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19675
    antipodean exile, Jul 21, 2021
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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19676
    antipodean exile, Jul 21, 2021
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  17. antipodean exile

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    #19677
    antipodean exile, Jul 21, 2021
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes sports with a coat hanger.
    They tried and tried to get the door open, but they just couldn't!
    The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath.
    The other blonde said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
     
    #19678
    antipodean exile, Jul 21, 2021
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #19679
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2021
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #19680
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2021
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