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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19041
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19042
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19043
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19044
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    A bee goes into a bar,
    It comes out 2 hours later buzzing
     
    #19045
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  6. Number 1 Jasper

    Number 1 Jasper Well-Known Member

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    The hospital's consulting dietician was giving a lecture to several community nurses from Portsmouth .

    “The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

    Red meat is terrible.

    Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining.

    Chinese food is loaded with msg.

    Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilisers and pesticides and none of us realises the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water.

    However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives.

    Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

    A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said,

    ‘Wedding cake.'
     
    #19046
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #19047
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #19048
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #19049
  10. Wooperts_duck

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    #19050

  11. Wooperts_duck

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    #19051
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #19052
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19053
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19054
  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #19055
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  16. antipodean exile

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    #19056
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  17. antipodean exile

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    #19057
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    I'm a big fan of whiteboards.
    I find them quite re-markable.
     
    #19059
  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    There's a guy in town who walks around talking to himself using only figurative language.
    We call him the Village Idiom.
     
    #19060
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