A couple were enjoying a meal in a restaurant to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary when a fairy appeared at their side. ‘ I’ve come to grant you each a wish as an anniverserary gift, you first madam’ The lady declined saying she had all she could ever wish for already. The fairy then asked the man. He turned to his wife ‘Sorry dear... I wish I to be married to a woman 20 years younger than me.’ The fairy frowned but waved her wand and ‘ping’ the wife was facing an 80 year old man! .......and the moral of the story is...All fairies are female!
Paddy, the Irish labourer goes to his doctor, "I'm constipated." he says. The doctor examines him for a few minutes and says, "Lean over the table." After he does so, the doctor whacks him on his arse with a baseball bat. A loud "CRACK!" is heard, and the doctor sends Paddy to the toilet. After coming out of the toilet, Paddy says, "I feel great! What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping your arse with cement bags!!" ...
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, and I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!” His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap my wife’s butt and ask, ‘Who’s horny?’ And she’s always sound asleep.”
