Old Tom and Elsie were in the cinema. Tom was fussing and fidgeting, Elsie asks "Whats wrong with you? Stop messing! Tom replies "I've dropped a caramel and I think its gone under the seat" "Well, leave it! It will be covered in dust and fluff" I would, but my dentures are stuck in it!"
A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her stammerer's action group, with an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?" The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said. "That's no use, George," said the speech therapist, "who's next?" The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley". “That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish. How about you, Paddy?” The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out "London". “Brilliant, Paddy!” said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise. After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said.."-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry...".
