At our local chippy, they still use old newspaper to wrap up their fish and chips. Yesterday I got a plaice in the sun
A circus owner runs an ad for a "lion tamer wanted" and two people show up. One is an old golfer in his seventies, the other a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a great body in her twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. "Here's your equipment… a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The gorgeous brunette says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion gets all heated up, starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat, revealing her beautiful, perfect naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss every inch of her body for several minutes, then lays down and rests his head at her feet The circus owner's jaw is on the floor!! He says, "That's amazing! I've never seen anything like that in my life!" Then he turns to the old golfer and asks, "Can you top that?" The tough old golfer replies… "Possibly... but you've got to get that lion out of there first."
A doctor's toilet was blocked so he rang the plumber. The plumber said "It's early hours of the morning can't it wait?" The doc said "If you were ill I'd have to come out". The plumber said "Fair enough" and called at the docs. He lifted the toilet seat and threw in two paracetamol and said "Give it a few days and if it's still the same give me a call"
