So I was at Lidl earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about £200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping trolley. With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had. I told her it was my service dog. Then she got real sarky and said, I knew that. What type of service? I said he was an ALD. By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly. She said, what is a ALD? I told her it stood for Ass Licking Dog. She said Ass Licking Dog? I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my bum clean, because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders. The cashier completely lost it.
A couple meet at a speed dating venue. The guy says, "how about we skip all the formalities and just get married". She replied, "but we dont know each other" "No problem" he says, "we'll get to know each other over time". She says "do you know what, I've got nothing to lose lets go for it" So they get married and jet off to the Caribbean for their honeymoon. On the first day they are lounging by the pool when the guy suddenly gets up, walks to the deep end of the pool and climbs to the very highest diving board. He dives off, performs a triple somersault and enters the water like a knife. "Wow"she says "that was some dive". "Yes" he says " I was an Olympic diver and have three gold medals. See, I told you we would get to know each other as we went along". With that she gets up, dives into the pool and does fifty lengths, returns to the sun lounger and not even breathing heavily. "Wow" he says, "were you an Olympic endurance swimmer". "No" she replied, "I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey"
