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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16661
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16662
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16663
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16664
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16665
  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16666
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16667
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16668
  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16669
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An 80-year-old man went to the doctor, who was amazed at what good shape he was in. The doctor asked,
    "Why do you think you have such good health?"
    The old timer said,
    "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up before daylight and out chasing turkeys especially for Thanksgiving."
    The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there has got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
    The old timer said,
    "Who said my dad's dead?"
    The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
    The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and he hunted turkey with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive...he's a turkey hunter."
    The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
    The old timer said,
    "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
    The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
    The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
    The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went turkey hunting with you this morning too?"
    The old timer said,
    "No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
    The Doctor said in amazement,
    "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
    The old timer said,
    "Who said he wanted to?"
     
    #16670
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16671
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16672
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A wise Chinese man once said,

    "If a dog barks it's undercooked"
     
    #16673
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16674
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #16675
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    10 years ago I went to the opticians for an eye test. He asked me to look into this big machine & tell him what I could see. I said I can see a fella eating a bat, closed pubs & everyone seems to be wearing face masks!

    The optician said I don't need glasses as I have 2020 vision!
     
    #16676
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16677
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16678
  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16679
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #16680

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