A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."
A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you’ve only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."
I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."
A linguist dies At the funeral, a fellow academic asks his wife, “do you mind if I say a word?” She nods. He stands and says “Plethora”, and immediately sits back down. She says, tearfully, “thank you, that means a lot.”
Don't let them take the temperature on your forehead as you enter the supermarket, because it erases your memory. I went for a bottle of milk and a loaf, and came home with a case of lager and a bottle of wine.....
Apparently Black Country women have broader accents than the men. It seems the female of the species is more Dudley than the male...
My mate was seeing two women at the same time. One named Keeley the other called Lorraine. Lorraine gave him the elbow. The next day, you could hear him singing, “I can see Keeley now Lorraine has gone”.
