Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    There was a young man from Brighton
    Who thought he’d at last found a tight ‘un.
    He said, “Oh my love, It fits like a glove.”
    Said she, “But you’re not in the right ‘un.”
     
    #14342
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    There was a young maid from Madras
    Who had a magnificent ass;
    Not rounded and pink,
    As you probably think –
    It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
     
    #14343
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Brian O’Connell drives a double-decker bus through the streets of Dublin.
    One day a very drunk Timothy Fogarty climbed aboard Brian's bus taking a seat on the bottom deck near Brian.
    As you may or may not know, Brian is required not to allow any drunks onto his bus, but today he was rather light-hearted so he decided to let the inebriated Fogarty remain on board.
    As is his wont when he has had a few Timothy began talking a mean streak, which made Brian suggest that Timothy should sit on the upper deck.
    “The air up there is clean and fresh, and you will get a much improved view,” encouraged Brian.
    Fogarty agreed and stumbled his way up top. However, he returned in only a few minutes.
    “What's wrong?” Brian asked. “Didn't you like it better up there?”
    Timothy replied, “It's okay. But it's too dangerous.”
    “Too dangerous?” queried Brian. “How is that?”
    “There's no driver,” answered Fogarty.

    At the very next stop two more drunks climbed on board the bus.
    The first drunk was Bill O‘Brien and the second was Tommy Lynch.
    Bill asked driver O‘Connell, “Will this bus take me to 35th Avenue?”
    No, it won't,” answered Brian.
    After a short pause, Tommy Lynch asked, “What about me?”
     
    #14344
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #14345
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #14346
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #14347
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14348
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14349
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14350

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14351
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Start my new job tomorrow.

    I travel around Circuses and Fairs to tell the owners when their coconut stalls are getting too old.

    I'm the shy retiring type.
     
    #14353
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Decided to part with my blow up doll.

    Do you think I should let her down gently?
     
    #14354
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    There were three native Indian women. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant.

    The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.

    This just goes to prove that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
     
    #14355
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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #14356
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Who does Donald Call When his Country is on Fire - Who Ya Gonna Call??

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    #14358
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    OOPS!!!
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    #14359
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #14360
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