Off Topic Jokes thread

A guy goes to see the doctor, the doctor examines him and says "I have good news and bad news".
"What's the bad news?" asks the patient.
"You have an incurable disease." says the doctor,
"You only have 6 days to live."
"That's terrible!" says the patient, "But what's the good news?".
"It's spring," says the doctor, "the days are getting longer.

 

A blonde city girl named Judy marries a Saskatchewan rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher
says to Judy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our
cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's
stall is in the barn.
Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and
knocks on the front door. Judy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Judy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me lady,
cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"
"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently. Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is
the nail for?" The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,
"I guess it's to hang your pants on."

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image