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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #13521
  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #13522
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  5. antipodean exile

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  6. antipodean exile

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    #13526
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  7. antipodean exile

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  8. antipodean exile

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  9. antipodean exile

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  10. antipodean exile

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  11. antipodean exile

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  12. antipodean exile

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  13. antipodean exile

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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13534
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13535
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

    Passenger: "Who?"

    Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

    Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

    Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

    Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."

    Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

    Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"

    Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

    Passenger: "How did you meet him?"

    Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."
     
    #13536
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #13537
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #13538
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #13539
  20. antipodean exile

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    #13540
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