*****BREAKING NEWS! ***** Sadly news has just reached us saying that the first member of this group has sadly died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 500 cans of assorted food, 100kg of pasta, 75kg of rice, 200 toilet rolls and 30L of hand sanitiser which he had panic bought from Aldi “just in case!” The whole lot collapsed and buried the daft ba*tard!
Down South they're stockpiling toilet rolls and hoarding pasta. Up North we're licking door handles to try and get two weeks off work.
Just got back from the doctors. I've been singing Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin songs, and apparently I have Crooners virus
Ever since it was brought to my attention that you can say “Covid-19” to the tune of “Come on, Eileen,” I’ve been unable to read it any other way
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want So tell me what you want, what you really really want I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna I really really really wanna 9 pack of Andrex quilted, a bottle of Carex hand gel, two tins of tomatoes, and a 500g bag of penne please.
To be honest, staff at my local Sainsburys were under the assumption that I've been panic buying alcohol for the last four and a half years.
BREAKING NEWS: Germany bracing itself for Corona Virus. People are visiting hospitals in the early mornings to put towels on intensive care beds.
