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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12661
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 10, 2020
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    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12662
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 10, 2020
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12663
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 10, 2020
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12664
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 10, 2020
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12665
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 10, 2020
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #12666
    antipodean exile, Feb 11, 2020
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #12667
    antipodean exile, Feb 11, 2020
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    #12668
    antipodean exile, Feb 11, 2020
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    #12669
    antipodean exile, Feb 11, 2020
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    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #12670
    antipodean exile, Feb 11, 2020
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #12671
    antipodean exile, Feb 11, 2020
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #12672
    antipodean exile, Feb 11, 2020
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #12673
    antipodean exile, Feb 11, 2020
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A bloke goes to his GP complaining of high temperatures and stomach cramps, worried that he might have the virus doing the rounds. After an examination the doctor tells him that he's not got a virus but certainly has a tapeworm which is causing his symptoms. The doctor says he could give the patient a pill to get rid of the tapeworm or try a more natural remedy that might take a few days. Thinking that he'd rather not be putting harsh chemicals into his body the bloke agrees on the natural method and asks the doctor what to do.
    "You have to starve yourself and only once a day put a piece of chocolate up your arse. Do this for 4 days and on the 5th day come back here"

    Perplexed the bloke agrees and sure enough he doesn't eat a thing but once a day he shoves a square of dairy milk up his bum. Close to passing out with hunger he goes back to see his GP on the 5th day. The doctor orders him to bend over and takes up a pair of surgical grips in one hand and a grape in the other. He then pokes the grape up the blokes rear end and steps back with the grips at the ready and counts down "5, 4, 3, 2, 1" and just then the tapeworm sticks his head out of the bloke's arse and spits the grape out as the doctor shouts "Gotcha!"
     
    #12674
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 11, 2020
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Marriage is like a pack of cards - you start off with a couple of hearts and a diamond but by the end you wish you'd had a club and a spade.
     
    #12675
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 11, 2020
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12676
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 11, 2020
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12677
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 11, 2020
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #12678
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 11, 2020
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #12679
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 12, 2020
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #12680
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 12, 2020
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