I really annoyed my wife last night, l opened a box of celebrations and changed all the wrappers around... She really got her Snickers in a Twix.
A Liverpool fan dies and goes to heaven in his Liverpool shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks Jesus. “Hello son.” says Jesus, “I’m sorry, no Liverpool fans in heaven.” “What?” exclaims the man, astonished. “You heard, no Liverpool fans.” “But, but, but, I’ve been a good man, replies the Norwegiancunt “Oh really”, says Jesus. “What have you done then?” “Well” said the guy, “Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa.” “Oh” says Jesus. “anything else?” “Well two weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless.” “Hmmm. Anything else?” “Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans.” “Okay”, said Jesus, “You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor.” Ten minutes pass before Jesus returns. He looks the guy in the eye and says, “I’ve had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here’s your thirty quid back, now **** off!”
