Off Topic Jokes thread

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A Golfing Nun…

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a
chair.

She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior.
'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'

'It was,' sighed the Sister.

'And I went to play golf with my brother.We try to play golf as often
as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted
my life to Christ.'

'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed.
'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?'

'Far from it,' snorted the Sister.

'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'

'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished.
'you must tell me all about it!'

'Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, Mother.
540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green...and I
hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.

And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...
and it hits a bird in mid-flight!'

'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother.

'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme,
Sister!'

'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister.

'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel
runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'

'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.

'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister.

'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether
this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs
the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'

'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.

'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because
as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started
struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and
the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from
the cup!'

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her
chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

'You missed the fxxxxxg putt, didn't you?'

 

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Charlie Sheen is American,

Michael Sheen is British,

but Mr Sheen is polish...

 

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