BREAKING NEWS:- A man has been found dead in the Mersey. He was wearing a Liverpool shirt, women's knickers, fishnet stockings, a blow up doll on the end of his penis and a dildo up his arse. Police have removed the shirt to spare his family any embarrassment!
A newly married couple moved into their new home. The next day, the woman asked her husband: "Darling, one of the pipes in the bathroom is leaking, could you please fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like to you, Bob the Builder?" A few days later, the woman asked another favour from her husband: "Honey, my car isn’t starting, can you drive me to the grocery store?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like to you, a taxi driver?" A week later, the woman discovers a leak on the roof. "Darling, the roof is leaking, can you please find a reliable handyman to fix it for us?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like to you, the yellow pages?" One rainy day, the husband suddenly noticed that the leak had disappeared. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn’t leaking either. When the woman returned home in her car, the husband asked her, "My dear, how it is that there are no more leaks and the car is working?" She replied, "Oh, I ran into one of our neighbours, Daniel. He’s such a nice guy, he came and fixed everything.” "Wow," marvelled the husband, "did he charge us for all of it?" "No," said the woman. "He said he would do it for free if I baked him a cake or slept with him." "Oh good," the husband rejoiced. "What kind of cake did you bake him?" The woman looked at the husband and said, "What do I look like to you, Mary Berry?”
