Paddy and Murphy fall down a well. "Dark down here, ain"t it?" says Paddy. "I don"t know, I can"t see a thing," says Murphy.
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Finding her young son scooping ice cream in the kitchen, a mother raged, "Dinner is going to be ready soon. Put that ice cream away and go and play." "But mum" wailed the child, "There"s no one to play with." "OK," said the mother wearily, "I"ll play with you. What do you want to play?""Lets play mummy and daddy. You go upstairs and lie on the bed." So the mother went upstairs and lay on the bed. The boy put on his father"s fishing hat, lit up one of his cigars, went upstairs and opened the bedroom door. Seeing him standing there, the mother asked,"Now what do I do?" The boy answered, "Get your ass out of bed you whore and fix that kid some fcuking ice cream!"
A man was caught on the train last week with his penis between two weetabix. Police are describing him as a cereal rapist.
The atmosphere at Sunderland matches is brilliant and everybody knows each other. I suppose that"s one advantage of inbreeding.
TOP TIP To get sincere personal advice and the correct time, try calling a random telephone number in the early hours of the morning.
I got arrested for kicking the crap out of some fat bastard last week. It turns out Fat Fighters isn"t quite what I thought it was.
