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Off Topic Jokes thread
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Dolly Parton and King Charles happened to arrive at the Pearly Gates on the very same day.
They were greeted by an angel who explained that, due to a paperwork mix-up, there was only one opening available in Heaven that afternoon.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to decide which one of you gets in,” the angel said.
The angel turned to Dolly and asked if there was any special reason she should be admitted.
Dolly smiled, took off her top and said, “Look at these, they're two of God's most perfect creations and I'm sure it will please Him to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked her politely and then asked King Charles the same question.
Without saying a word, the King walked over to a nearby restroom, pressed the handle, and flushed the toilet.
The angel immediately turned and said, “Your Majesty, welcome to Heaven.”
Dolly stared in disbelief and said, “Hold on just a minute. I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down, and he just flushed a toilet. How does that make sense?”
The angel shrugged and replied, “Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time.”
They were greeted by an angel who explained that, due to a paperwork mix-up, there was only one opening available in Heaven that afternoon.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to decide which one of you gets in,” the angel said.
The angel turned to Dolly and asked if there was any special reason she should be admitted.
Dolly smiled, took off her top and said, “Look at these, they're two of God's most perfect creations and I'm sure it will please Him to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked her politely and then asked King Charles the same question.
Without saying a word, the King walked over to a nearby restroom, pressed the handle, and flushed the toilet.
The angel immediately turned and said, “Your Majesty, welcome to Heaven.”
Dolly stared in disbelief and said, “Hold on just a minute. I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down, and he just flushed a toilet. How does that make sense?”
The angel shrugged and replied, “Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time.”
Paul Simon shouted at his dressing room cooler, because his Perrier was warm.
Fancy getting annoyed at a fridge, over bubbled water!
Fancy getting annoyed at a fridge, over bubbled water!
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I went to the doctor's yesterday and told him I was worried about acne.
He said “well, try moving to 'aringey”
He said “well, try moving to 'aringey”
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If she’s over 30, rocking that orange Jaffa tan and still squeezing into bright pink tracksuits with “JUICY” stretched across her arse cheeks. You already know she’s got a Staffy called Tyson, six kids by five different dads called Jayden, Kayden, Summer, Honey, Ellie-Mae, and Noah, a tattoo that says “Dave” on the back of her neck, a doorless fridge sitting in the front garden, and she definitely uses a Teletubbies plate as an ashtray.
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Pilot - W are now flying over 30,000 feet.
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