Off Topic Jokes thread

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FUMING!!!!!
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I have just left Asda and I have NEVER been so disgusted in all my life... The nerve of some people omg I am fuming!!!!
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anyways Picked up a basket started walking around to get a few things and I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No big deal. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again... STARING! So now I'm like, "What the heck is her problem?!" I finish up our shopping and head to the cashier. Guess who is there ahead of me? Right. The staring lady! She turns around and starts staring at me again. So I start playing with my phone because at this point it's getting weird. Super uncomfortable! Finally she says, "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my daughter who passed away." I thought to myself, "It makes sense now." I felt kind of bad for thinking she was a weirdo and said, "Sorry for your loss." She says, "Thank you...but I have a favour to ask. I know it's weird and I'll understand if you don't want to, but can you give me a hug and say 'Bye Mum!?' Inside I was like **** NO crazy lady, but I know people have different ways of getting over a loss so I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and leaves. The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to £100.87 and I'm like, Shut the fridge I just bought a few things and I knew it should have been like £20. The women then tells me that my total was included with my mums. I'm like, "WTH?!" She said, "Your mum said you were paying for her stuff along with your things. I told her that that woman was NOT my mum. She said, "Well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mum! I'm like OMG! I can't believe this! I flew out of the store looking for this awful woman, ready to drag her back in the store by her hair!!! I see her loading up her car and I started running towards her. She saw me and jumped in her car so fast. I got to her just as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg. She struggled but I kept pulling until her wooden leg popped off right in my hands!! Im thinking, OMG! Is this really happening right now?!
So I dropped the wooden leg and grabbed her other leg and started pulling...
Just like I'm pulling yours right now!
 
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