John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep please log in to view this image
Historical Pics Girl writes to Jimmy Saville (Jim'll Fix It) to fix her wish to go sailing. Ends up on a navy ship captained by Price Andrew. please log in to view this image
Gary Neville: “l used to love playing at Anfield, 90 minutes worth of insults about my appearance, mainly from blokes who looked like extras off Planet of the Apes.” “I remember one game, a little chubby lad shouted ‘Oi Gary, my Dad says you’re a winker!’ I turned round and said ‘Yeah? I’ve got 8 Premier League medals, what have you got besides diabetes? You fat little tw*t!’ “He was in floods of tears, that’s what the rivalry is all about. Good natured ribbing.” please log in to view this image
EUSTON TANNOY: Customers are reminded not to run at any time while boarding trains at this station. LISTEN, KNOBSTICK - WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO SPRINT ACROSS YOUR STATION LIKE AN EPISODE OF TAKESHI’S CASTLE IF THE SERVICE YOU PROVIDED WASN’T SLOPPIER THAN A BONNIE BLUE ‘GET TOGETHER’ YOU SANCTIMONIOUS TECHNOTW@T. WE’RE NOT RUNNING BECAUSE OUR FITBITS TOLD US, WE’RE RUNNING BECAUSE OUR CONNECTING TRAIN WAS, YET AGAIN, LATE GETTING US HERE, DESPITE COSTING MORE THAN A FAMILY TRIP TO DISNEYLAND AND HAVING LESS SEATS THAN UKIP. SO DON’T YOU F**KING DARE TELL ME IF I CAN RUN - IT’S A WAY MORE RELIABLE FORM OF TRANSPORT THAN YOUR PATHETIC, PRIVATISED, DOG TURD OF A SERVICE. please log in to view this image
