Off Topic Jokes thread

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Paddy walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the son asks, “What’s are these, Dad?”
To which Paddy matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh I see,” replied the son pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.”
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package?” Paddy replies, “Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” says the son. He notices a 6-pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men,” Paddy answers, “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the son.
“Then who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, Paddy replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…”
 
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Just bumped into my old mate Dave. I hadn't seen him in 6 months. I asked him what he was up to. These days.
He said
"I prepare meals ever days for the homeless, drug addicts, piss heads & down & outs"
I said
"Oh wow Dave, are you working for the Salvation Army?"
He said
"No.
Wetherspoons."
 
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