Black Friday has failed me. I ordered four kindles from Amazon and they sent me a Two Ronnies DVD......
I've just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my duvet is stolen in the middle of the night, I'm not covered.
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Medicare.
I went to a vegetarian restaurant last night and when I'd finished the waiter asked: "How was your meal, Sir." "It was very nice," I replied. "My compliments to the gardener."
I`ve been watching a documentary about the life of Oscar Pistorius ...culminating in him killing Reena. Anyway.... I thought I`d treat myself to the SMIRNOFF OSCAR PISTORIUS ADVENT CALENDAR.... There's a Shot behind every Door.
