A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear, then when he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink. The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd around keen to know what they are celebrating. "Well," he announces, "My wife's just produced a typical Queensland baby boy weighing 25 pounds". Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland . Like I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy." Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "STREWTH" and "BLOODY HELL!" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the same bar. The barman says "You're the father of that typical Queensland baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth aren't you? Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So - how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers: "17 pounds." The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!" The Queensland father takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX Gold beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly says, "We had him circumcised!"
Man lost in a hot air balloon over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him "Where am i?" The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't fool me, I know you're in that feckin basket!"
I was in an Inuit restaurant last night and I asked the waiter what was on the menu… He said I could have whale meat, whale meat, whale meat or the Vera Lynn. I said, “what’s the Vera Lynn?” He said, “Whale meat again”
A man furiously approaches his neighbour and shouts, 'Where is your Wife?' 'Why?' the neighbour replies ,'What did Anna do?' She tricked my Wife into investing in a fake farm for snakes!' he yelled. 'Anna conned her?' 'No, Burmese pythons...'
