I came home from work last night and told my wife that I've been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ my own private secretary. "Well, you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly," she said, "I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have sex with." "That's fair enough," I replied, "When can you start."
A woman is very distressed because she has not been married very long and yet her husband has lost interest in her. So she goes to see her doctor and relays the problem. The doctor doesn't seem worried at all and tells her that it is nothing serious, that her husband has merely lost his animal instincts. The doctor tells her to crumble some dog biscuits on her husband's cereal every morning without telling him, and little by little this will bring out the savage beast in him. He wishes her good luck and tells her to come back in a week with a progress report. A week later the woman returns to the doctor, who asks how her husband is. "He's dead," she replies. "Dead?" the doctor asked. "Yes. He was sitting in the driveway cleaning his bum, and I backed over him with the car.''
