Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing!" The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said, "Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned "Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well they always search for the black box first?"
The pilot of a fighter jet slows down, flies alongside an Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!" He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: "Well, how was that?" The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!" The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that? Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?" The AirBus pilot laughs and says: "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry." The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important. This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.
Sitting at home with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth while watching TV. The Man loses concentration for a split second and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully deep. After a while of fruitless rooting, the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door, they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend takes control of the situation. He tells them he's studying Medicine and not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow. Lo and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room. As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck... *"So..."* says the wife, *"What do you think he'll become after he finishes school... a General Practitioner or a Surgeon?"* *"Well..."* says the man, rubbing his nose, *"By the smell of his fingers I think he's likely to become a gynaecologist...!"*
