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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24741
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24742
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24747
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #24748
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #24749
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Did you hear what happened to President Biden at his local Bank last Friday in Delaware? He was going to do a photo op and went to grab some cash at the bank to buy lunch for himself and Delawares Governor.

    He walked in with Secret Service all around him and the beast and motorcade outside. He had a short chat and a few pictures with those in line, before approaching the teller he didn’t recognize.

    “Hello”, said President Biden to the teller with a pause. The tellers name was Julie and she was brand new, but said “Hello Mr. President!” after watching everything in the lobby. Biden handed her the slip for cash withdrawal and she looked up his account and got the cash in hand. She then just asked to see ID quick to verify his identity, before giving him the $100. Biden looked at her confused and she said, “I’m sorry for the inconvenience sir, but it’s policy to verify and I’m new.”

    President Biden looked to his left, then right and finally turned around and told the lead Secret Service Agent the issue. All of a sudden everyone in the immediate entourage was digging through their bags. One Secret Service Agent went to the beast and looked for Biden’s wallet and came up empty handed. After a few minutes things settled down and President Biden told the teller, “come on man” because this was getting embarrassing!

    Julie said, Mr. President, a few weeks ago this very same thing happened to Tiger Woods and he was able to verify his identity. He forgot his wallet at the house, but he had golf clubs and balls with him. He asked me that if he could putt the ball across the entire bank lobby going around a desk and hit a small spot near that door more than 30 ft. away would I believe it was him? I said of course, that’s something only you could do. Mr. Woods did as he said and he was on his way with his money! So, Mr. President is there anything you could do or show me to prove you are infact the President?”

    Biden: Well, I don’t know, I’m clueless!

    Julie: Mr. President, you should’ve said so to begin with. Here you are!
     
    #24750
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  12. Wooperts_duck

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  13. Wooperts_duck

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  14. Wooperts_duck

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  15. Wooperts_duck

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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork so he decided to give up practising medicine.
    Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
    He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
    When the time for the practical exam approached, the former gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
    When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
    Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade.”
    The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly which was worth 50% of the total mark.”
    “You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”
    After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust pipe, which I’ve never seen done in my entire life”.
     
    #24756
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  17. antipodean exile

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  18. antipodean exile

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    #24758
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  19. antipodean exile

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  20. antipodean exile

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