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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. devonFRATTONiser

    devonFRATTONiser Well-Known Member
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    So have I <laugh>
     
    #24441
  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24442
  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24443
  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24444
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about three minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and run down the corridor screaming and ranting madly. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room. Then, the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.
    "What in God's name is wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 68 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"
    The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up, asked . . . "Does she still have the hiccups?"
     
    #24445
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #24446
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was talking to this Native American chief and his wife, in Dakota, and I asked him his name.
    "Running Wolf".
    "And your wife's name?"
    "Five Horses"
    "Why Five Horses?" I asked.
    "Nag nag nag nag nag....."
     
    #24447
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Think twice before loudly shouting “I'm in the garden polishing my helmet. The neighbours might not understand!"

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    #24448
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Welsh police are looking for a group of men after several people were attacked with wooden fence posts.

    The public should keep an eye out for the Tenby Four......
     
    #24449
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24451
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24452
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24453
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day:
    The daughter said to her mother. "My hands are freezing cold."
    The mother replied. "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.
    The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said. "My hands are freezing cold."
    The girl replied. "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands.
    The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said. "My nose is cold."
    The girl replied. "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose.
    The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said. "My penis is frozen solid."
    The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother. "Have you ever heard of a penis?"
    Slightly concerned the mother said. "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"
    The daughter replies. They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"
     
    #24459
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Early morning husband woke up and ask his wife: "Would you like to join me for jogging?"
    Wife: "Ohh. So you mean to say I am fat?"
    Hubby: "No. Jogging is good for health."
    Wife: "Oh.. that means I am sick."
    Hubby: "No No. If you don't want to get up, then it's OK."
    Wife: "So now you think I am lazy, ha?"
    Hubby: "NO. You are misunderstanding me. I didn't mean..."
    Wife: "Aha! So I don't understand you because I'm an illiterate, right?"
    Hubby: "Now look I didn't say that."
    Wife: "So am I lying? "
    Hubby: I beg you plz don't stretch it in the morning."
    Wife: "Oh, now so I am a quarrelsome nag, am I?
    HUBBY: "OK OK.. You go off to sleep. I am going jogging alone.. Happy Now??"
    Wife: "You always go alone everywhere and enjoy yourself."
    Hubby: "Plz Plz.. I am feeling giddy now.."
    Wife: "See? You are so selfish. Always think of yourself alone. You never think of my health."
    Husband is sitting and thinking where he went wrong!!!
    *Dedicated to All Married men..
     
    #24460
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