Off Topic Jokes thread

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A guy gets married but is a virgin and needs help with his technique.
He gets a friend to tag along and rent a room that connects via the bathroom.
He figures that he can pretend that nature called and go get advice at any time.
As soon as he and his wife get started, he becomes confused and rushes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, his new bride discovers that she needs to take a dump badly. She finds a shoe box and squats down and takes care of business.
As she finishes, he starts to come out, so she turns out the lights and jumps into bed.
As he walks across the room, he steps in it and screams, "Oh man, this box is full of ****!"
His buddy yells out from the bathroom, "turn 'er over Fred, turn 'er over".

 

After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. 'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder.'
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bit*h he's running around with!

 

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