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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism, if I don't pay it back I'm going to get repossessed !
     
    #24221
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 22, 2022
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    What do colour blind people do when they're told to eat their greens ?
     
    #24222
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 22, 2022
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    What comes after 69?

    Mouthwash.
     
    #24223
    antipodean exile, Aug 23, 2022
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Why is masturbation just like procrastination?

    It’s all good until you realize you’re only screwing yourself.
     
    #24224
    antipodean exile, Aug 23, 2022
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Why did God give men penises?


    So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
     
    #24225
    antipodean exile, Aug 23, 2022
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I stole a boomerang earlier and hid it up my sleeve…

    The security guard threw me out of the shop 37 times!
     
    #24226
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 23, 2022
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife says I'm tight, so to prove her wrong I'm taking her out for tea and biscuits today...

    It should be quite exciting as she has never given blood before!
     
    #24227
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So I don't mind Genetically Modified foods

    I've just had a lovely leg of salmon....
     
    #24228
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #24229
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #24230
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #24231
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #24232
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #24233
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Got a new hobby. A couple of days a week, I spend two hours bellringing.

    Some people find it an odd thing to do with your time,but I find it very therapeutic.

    The bus driver seems less keen on it, though...
     
    #24234
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 24, 2022
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  15. devonFRATTONiser

    devonFRATTONiser Well-Known Member
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    I've had to give up being a kleptomaniac
    It was stressing me out so much I just couldn't take any more.
     
    #24235
    devonFRATTONiser, Aug 24, 2022
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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    What is the least spoken language in the world ?

    Sign Language
     
    #24236
    antipodean exile, Aug 25, 2022
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24237
    antipodean exile, Aug 25, 2022
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24238
    antipodean exile, Aug 25, 2022
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24239
    antipodean exile, Aug 25, 2022
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #24240
    antipodean exile, Aug 25, 2022
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